This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
Please don't give away my fajitas
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
