The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
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