my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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