Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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