Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
