Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
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