Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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