the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
Such a big mess for such a small penis
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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