Whod you bang
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
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