he shaved USA in his pubs
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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