I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
