They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
Randomize
