fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
God I need to hump something, right now.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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