New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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