Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
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