He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize