Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
Randomize
