I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
Randomize