I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize