The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
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