So drunk its hurt
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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