You're my little dorito
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
