wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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