When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
