she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
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