whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
