When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
why do cheetos always look like penises
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
Randomize
