i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
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