I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Randomize