So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
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