somebody snuck up and got me drunk
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Randomize
