i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
