My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
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