everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
either way he was missing a nipple.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Randomize
