did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
a search helicopter?!
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
Randomize
