glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
