I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
