Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
Randomize
