no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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