Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
