we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
do nipples grow back?
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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