Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
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