I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Randomize
