I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
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