No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
