you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Randomize
