i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
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