She's JV to your varsity
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Randomize
