Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Randomize
