did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
Randomize
