Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
