He kissed a someone with a penis
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
Thank you for not boning my boss.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
Randomize
