Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(501): View more from Arkansas

i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.

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(908): View more from New Jersey

There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.

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(602): View more from Arizona

my dad is going to jail this weekend

(1-602): View more from Arizona

where are we going to get our weed from?

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(610): View more from Pennsylvania

I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.

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(936): View more from Texas

Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance

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(917): View more from New York City

How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?

(1-917): View more from New York City

I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian

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(910): View more from North Carolina

You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.

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(662): View more from Mississippi

Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now

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(360): View more from Washington

Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.

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