The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
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