that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize