You're so nebulous sometimes
I just cut my nipple shaving
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
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