Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
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