So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
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