I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
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