Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Randomize