my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
