the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
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