If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
