A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
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