Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Randomize
