You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
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