They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Randomize
