I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
Is it because I queefed?
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
