last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
i just made my gag reflex go away.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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