I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
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