i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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