I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
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