So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
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