My room smells like vodka and shame
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
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