WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
We had sex on a dog bed..
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
