I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Randomize
