Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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