Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
Randomize
