my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
Randomize
