you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
