I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
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