This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
