I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
The air was thick with penises
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
Randomize
