O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize
