is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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