Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Randomize
