it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize