Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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