I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
