so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
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