remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
