Will you blow on my dice?
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
Randomize
