umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
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