Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
