I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
Randomize
