Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
