I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
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