dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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