either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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