I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
