woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
