i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Randomize
