Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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