come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
Randomize
