i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Randomize
