I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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